Under The Rocks And Stone There Is Water Underground
by Alonso King of Naples
Summary: Shego's kind of going through a crisis. She was born to be evil, but she knows she can't be that person right now. Title is a line from Talking Head's "Once in a Lifetime" song.


Drakken observed the slice of pizza in his hands carefully. The cheese on top slowly started sliding off the bread. He used his other hand to balance the cheese and took a bite. "Nrr... tastes like cardboard," he said, plopping it back onto his plate. He would use parmesan cheese to mask the taste, but their waiter stopped giving him the packets.

"Doesn't it always," said Shego, examining her plate of salad with distaste. "Mine's not much better."

As if on cue, their pimply-faced teenage server appeared before them. "We here at the Pizza Party-Torium hope your meal is Pizza Party-Tastic," he wheezed out in a monotone voice. "Can I get you anything else this evening?"

"The check," said Drakken.

The server ripped the check off his notepad and slammed it onto the table. "Have a Pizza Party-Tastic evening," he said dully and walked away.

It was Tobit, their son, that brought them to this tacky pizzeria, a favorite among kids his age.

Drakken grabbed the check and squinted while examining it, trying to make sense of the words before him. Finally, after a defeated grumble, he reached for his reading glasses in his lab coat pocket. Their son quickly ran to the table. "I need fifty more cents," he said to Shego. He took the final slice of pizza on the tray and shoved a good portion of it in his mouth.

"What happened to the dozen quarters I gave you five minutes ago?"

Tobit gulped down the pizza and washed it with his fizzy beverage. "The stupid claw machine ate them up!" He slid into the seat next to his father, who was too distracted with the bill to notice. "I just need one more chance, Shego. One more shot and that iPhone is mine." He extended his arm out and gestured to her purse. "C'mon... please!"

Shego rolled her eyes and began rummaging through her purse. "I'm out of quarters. Here." She handed him her wallet. "See what you can find."

"I can't believe this!" said Drakken, still examining the check. "Shego, he charged us extra for the Parmesan cheese packets. Those things are complimentary. It doesn't matter how many you take—If he thinks we're tipping twenty percent, he will be greatly disappointed!"

"Thirty packets did seem kind of excessive, Doc," said Shego.

"Can I have this?" said Tobit, lifting up a five-dollar bill.

"Fifty cents," said Shego.

"I needed the cheese to get rid of the cardboard taste!"

"What about this dollar?"

"Fifty cents," Shego repeated.

"You don't have fifty cents," claimed Tobit. "You have two dimes and a penny."

Shego let out a defeated sigh. "Fine. Go wild."

He quickly ran towards the claw machines with the dollar in his hand.

Shego felt her phone buzz in her purse and she pulled it out. It was Duff Killigan calling. He had been trying to contact her all week. She never answered and he never left a message.

Drakken noticed her uneasiness. "What is it?" he said, taking his glasses off.

She shifted in her seat. "It's... work," she stuttered out, letting the phone ring in her hand. Finally, it stopped buzzing and she placed it back in her purse. "Dr. Director keeps insisting I reconsider taking the position as Nakasumi's bodyguard for the summer."

Drakken huffed, his attention back on the check. "Why would he want you as his bodyguard?" When Shego said nothing, he looked back up at her. Sensing the tension, he began to stutter out an explanation: "Well, I... I mean—not that you're not capable. You're fully capable. Over-capable, in fact. But, don't you think it would be a little awkward... given our history with him?"

It was hard to believe that it had been nearly two decades since Drakken's attempt to take over the world with Nakasumi's toy designs. Despite their history, Nakasumi seemed eager to have Shego join his team.

"The stupid machine robbed me again!" said Tobit as he sat back down. "What's with these claw machines anyway? They're all fixed!"

"No," said Shego simply.

"What?" said her son.

"No, you can't have the five."

"I wasn't gonna ask for it!" he said defensively. He grumbled for a moment before turning to his father. "Drakken," he said softly, attempting to sound as sweet as possible, "do you have any quarters I can use?"

"I need them for the tip," said Drakken simply, taking out his wallet.

Tobit sunk deep into his chair. "You guys are ex super villains. Should you really be worried about giving good tips?"

The "ex" in his sentence hit Shego like a brick. When did she become an ex super villain? Here she was lying to Drakken about Killigan calling her and covering it up by discussing whether or not she should take the job Global Justice offered her. When did she become that person? That good person.

"I never said I was giving him a good tip, Tobit," said his father. Unlike Shego, he was unbothered by Tobit's words. Did he care that they were now considered ex villains, Shego wondered.

"But a tip, nonetheless."

"Are we ready to leave?" asked Shego, suddenly feeling dizzy.

"Yeah," said Tobit. "But, can I have one more chance on the claw machine before we go?"

"No," said his parents in unison.

* * *

Drakken hummed a sweet tune as he squeezed out the toothpaste and carefully placed it on his toothbrush. Shego tried to preoccupy herself with reading a magazine; the latest Villainess issue was out, and Camille Leon wrote an article about the American prison system that she was interested in reading, but her mind seemed preoccupied with the call from Duff Killigan. She sat comfortably on the bed, watching Drakken as he brushed his teeth in the bathroom.

"It was Killigan who called," she said finally.

She watched as he scrubbed his tongue then spit into the sink. "What?" he said, confused.

"At Pizza Party. It wasn't Dr. Director. It was Duff Killigan."

He wiped the toothpaste off his face with the hand towel. "What did he want?"

"I don't know," said Shego. "He didn't leave a message."

"Maybe he dialed your number by mistake."

"He hasn't left a message the past six times he's called me."

"Oh."

"What do you think he wants?"

He switched the bathroom light off and joined her in the bed and yawned. "Who knows. Could be anything."

Last they heard, Duff Killiagan was still active in the villain community. It seemed all of their old friends were still working as villains. They lost touch with most of them—occasionally Motor Ed would try to pull Drakken in on a scheme, though.

Shego watched Drakken's expression carefully. He still seemed unbothered. "Maybe... I should call him back, don't you think? See what he wants."

"Okay." Drakken seemed oblivious to her concerns. He stretched out his arms and gave Shego a peck on the cheek before tucking himself into bed. "Mrgh... 'night, hon."

"Night, Drew."

She managed to flip a few pages in her magazine, her mind still preoccupied, before he propped his head back up.

"You wanna have sex?" he asked her suddenly.

She couldn't help but smile. "Do you?"

He shrugged, adjusting his position to rest his head on her shoulder. "Eh, Friday night... y'know, just seems to be our night."

"Yeah, when did we become so predictable."

"About three months into our relationship," he said. He kissed her neck and she instinctively turned to meet his lips.

He pulled away and burped, rubbing his stomach. "That pizza made me gassy. Do we have any tums?"

"I think. Check the medicine cabinet," she said, placing the magazine down onto the bedside table. He stood and went back into the bathroom.

Again, she watched him. He pulled out the tums bottle and shook a couple into his hands. "I'm not really in the mood tonight," he said. "Maybe in the morning. When my stomach's settled."

"Drakken?"

"Hmm?"

"Are you happy?"

He popped the tablets into his mouth and joined her in the bed again. "Are you?"

"Yeah," she said, though there was hesitation in her voice. "Yeah, I just... I never thought I would be the soccer mom type, you know? Spending Friday nights at an annoying made-for-kids restaurant slash arcade. Giving up quarters to claw machines. I've—we've become so domesticated. When did we stop being super villains and start becoming... real people?"

He considered her question. "I... I don't know," he said honestly, "but I thought we agreed we weren't—"

"Yeah, I know what we agreed," she said.

"Do you want to go back to being villains?"

"No... I don't know. Maybe sometimes I wish we could, yeah," she confessed. "But I know... we could never..."

Drakken nodded, a recognizable sadness in his eyes. She had the sadness, too. It wasn't regret; it could never be regret. They agreed to take a break from villainy when it was discovered Shego was pregnant with Tobit. They felt like sellouts and the majority of their villain friends refused to speak with them after Global Justice hired them, but it was a sacrifice worth making just to have Tobit in their lives. Still, they were villains and transitioning into normalcy proved to be difficult. "Yeah," he said.

He reached over and grabbed his phone off the nightstand. His screen saver was a selfie of him and Tobit they took at the movies last week. He unlocked his phone and started searching through his contacts.

"What're you doing?" asked Shego.

"Calling him," Drakken said simply.

She rolled her eyes but said nothing when it started ringing. Drakken put it on speaker phone, so she could listen in.

On the third ring, he picked up: "Whit dae yi'll waant, ye rotten traitor?" Killigan greeted.

"Why are you calling Shego?" Drakken asked, attempting to sound intimidating.

"Och. So, she hasn't left ye yit?"

Drakken's face went a deep shade of purple as Shego hid her amusement. "Wh-No, she hasn't left me yet!" he said. Killigan let out a big throaty laugh. Realizing his mistake, Drakken quickly added, "And she's not going to leave me, you Scottish loon! Stop calling her!"

"Sette doon, blue laddie. Ah heard a rumor she wis back in th' business. Ah wis juist seeing if she wanted tae jyne th' gang, that's a'."

"Gang," said Drakken, curious. "What gang?"

"Lik' i'm telling ye, ye broon nosed traitor," said Killigan. "Ah blab tae ye 'n Global Justice wull hae me rotten in jyle fur a' o' eternity. Ah think nae." And with that, he ended the call.

"Why would he think I'd snitch to Global Justice," said Drakken, frowning at his phone. "I hate them as much as he does. More, even!"

"Why would he think I'm back doing villainy?" questioned Shego. She stopped and turned to her blue lover. "Did you clone me?"

"No!" he said. They sat in silence for a moment. Drakken still had his gaze on his phone, contemplating calling Killigan back. He finally turned to Shego with a saddened expression. "Who do you think joined his gang?"

She shrugged. "I don't know. Monkey Fist, probably. Maybe Professor Dementor and Señor Senior, Jr."

"Nrgh," said Drakken, slamming his fists onto the mattress. "It should be me with a gang. Not Duff... Killigan!" Shego saw the regret in his eyes at his words and he turned away from her. A picture of Tobit as a baby sat on his nightstand. He smiled warmly and picked up the picture. Each evening he would come home with the mindset of quitting Global Justice for good, but that smile almost always greeting him at the door reminded him why he did it. He placed the picture back on the stand and settled into bed. "Goodnight, Sheila," he said softly.

"Night, Drew," she said as she turned off the light.

Shego awoke to a slight movement beside her. Drakken's hand quickly found her hip, pulling her close to him. He snuggled into her body, fitting almost perfectly in all of her curves. She felt his groin stir as he brushed a strand of her hair away and kissed her neck gently. His hands found themselves tangled beneath her pajama top, his damp hands stroking her stomach. She turned slightly, so their lips could meet. She tasted mint on his lips.

Shego smiled. "You brushed your teeth."

"I was hoping you'd notice," said Drakken before deepening their kiss.

Shego adjusted herself on top of him. Her hands found his penis, fully erect and strained beneath his briefs. "What, you take a Viagra or something?" she teased.

"Or something," he retorted back.

She pulled his briefs down and began stroking his penis. She found its tip and let the pre-cum fill her hands to use as a natural lube. He let out a sigh, his hand roaming down to stoke her clit through her underwear. She moaned and their lips met again.

He moved her underwear aside and let his thumb circle her clit as Shego guided him inside of her. They both let out slight moans as Shego adjusted herself on top of him and flopped down into his arms. "You do the work," she told him.

Drakken kissed her forehead, grabbed her ass and obliged.

* * *

Shego entered the living room wearing one of Drakken's old bathrobes, her damp hair wrapped in a green towel. The intoxicating smell of Drakken's French toast filled the air and her stomach growled. The sound of gunshots was blaring from the television screen and Tobit sat in front of it, clicking away on his game controller.

"What's this?" she asked.

"Blood Deceased Bandit II," he said simply, his full focus on the screen before him. He was controlling a manly cowboy character, who was currently shooting his way through a town full of angry law enforcement.

"Seems kind of violent," she heard herself say. Tobit only shrugged. Seems kind of violent? When did she start sounding like a mom? The game turned slow motion as the cowboy character shot someone in the head, blood spurting everywhere. "Eh… forget I said anything. Did you eat?"

"I had some cereal a couple hours ago… and Drakken's making French toast."

She noticed the red plastic bowl full of milk on the table beside him with a big metal spoon sticking out of it. She grabbed it and took it into the kitchen where Drakken was at the stove cooking away. He seemed oblivious to her presence as he hummed that Oh Boyz tune that had been stuck in his head for the last few days. He wore the silly 'This Is What the World's Greatest Dad Looks Like' apron Tobit got for him a few Christmas ago and a chef's hat he insisted on wearing every chance he got.

She turned her attention to the empty coffee pot in the corner. The jar of coffee grounds usually sat out beside the machine, but the counter space around it only had half a carton of eggs and a loaf of bread. "Are we out of coffee?"

Drakken stopped his humming and turned to the coffee pot. "No, I put it up on the fridge to make more cooking space," he said.

She grabbed the jar and began filling up the coffee pot.

"Er… Dr. Director called again this morning," started Drakken. He almost sounded reluctant to have the conversation with her.

"And?"

"She seems pretty persistent."

She rolled her eyes.

"She says he's offering half a million this time," he said.

"Could you imagine what people might do if they saw me protecting a guy I once tried to kidnap?"

"Oh… yeah," he said, frowning. Before she could respond, he turned his attention back to the French toast frying on the cooking pan.

She raised an eyebrow. "What?"

"Nothing."

"No, it's not nothing. What is it?"

"It—it's just… it sounds like a pretty good deal to me," he said.

She huffed. "I'd rather join Duff Killigan's new gang than take that job, Drakken."

"WHAT?" said Tobit's voice from the living room. At first, Shego thought he had died unexpectantly in his game and was frustrated about it, but his frantic running into the kitchen told her otherwise. Both her and Drakken looked at their son, startled. "You're—you're going back into villainy?"

"I didn't—"

"Because if you are, I'm totally cool with it."

"Tobit, I'm not—"

"Does this mean you'll be buying a lair? Will Kim Possible be your nemesis again? Wait… if you guys are evil again, what will happen to me? Will I have to stay with your brothers? Or… can I stay here with you? Can I have my own villain name?"

"Tobit, I'm not going back into villainy," said Shego.

"Oh," he said. "Why—not?"

Shego shared a quick look with Drakken before he returned to cooking the French toast, then crossed her arms and sighed. "Because I don't want to."

Tobit frowned.

After a few moments of uncomfortable silence, Drakken finally looked up and chuckled to himself awkwardly. "Breakfast is almost ready," he said. "Why don't you two set the table."

Shego moved to the cabinet that held their plates, but Tobit went back to the living room to un-pause his videogame. "I'm not hungry," he snapped.

Again, Drakken and Shego shared a look.

Drakken looked at a loss for words. "Um… should we—"

"Eh, I don't know," said Shego.

"I wasn't expecting teenage sass for another year or so," said Drakken, "but the Lipsky's do hit puberty early."

Shego motioned for Drakken to follow her lead and together they moved into the living room, each taking a seat next to their son.

Tobit's attention remained on the screen before him. His game character was now casually robbing a couple on a horse carriage. "What's up?" he said to his parents plainly.

"What is up?" Shego wondered aloud. She leaned back, taking her son in. He had a growth spurt recently and was now at Shego's shoulders. Within a couple of years, she knew, he would be taller than her. Despite his height, there still remained a certain innocence about him. Something neither Drakken or Shego had encountered before Tobit's birth.

He paused his game and let out an irritated sigh, turning to his mother. "I… I don't know. I just said I wasn't hungry and now you guys are making some big deal about it."

"But you said you wanted French toast," said Drakken.

"Okay—yeah, I changed my mind. Or, I'll have some later. No big deal." He un-paused his game again and went back to clicking away at his controller.

Shego casually picked some lint off her son's pajama shirt and let it fall to the floor. "You seemed pretty excited about the idea of me going back into villainy," she said, attempting to sound casual.

"Yeah, so what? Villainy's a cool gig."

"And also a very dangerous one," she reminded him. Shego wanted to scream. Who was she? "It's just something we can't get involved in right now." God, she felt like her mother. Or worse, Granny Lipsky.

Tobit paused his game again and set his controller down onto the table. "I know. I'm not stupid." He shrugged. "I just… I know you guys miss it, and, y'know, if you wanted to start up again, I'd be okay with it." He paused for a quick moment. "I don't want to be the reason you guys stop living your life."

This isn't about you, she wanted to tell him. But that would be a lie. Every choice they made now was in Tobit's best interest, not theirs. They stopped being villains—they stopped being people, to an extent—when Tobit was born. They stopped trying to take over the world when he came into their life, because the risk of losing him was not worth taking.

"Okay," she said, standing. "I'll call Duff Killigan and tell him I'm in. In fact, I'll tell him we're both in. Drakken, pack your bags."

"What?" Drakken and Tobit said in unison.

"She—Sheila, you're… not serious? Dr. Director would—"

"Why not? Tobit can live at Go Tower while we're away. My brothers will be a great influence on him. We'll stop by every once in a while, just to check up on him… Of course, once we get caught, we'll see even less of him. But, no worries; he'll be able to visit us in jail."

"Ah, sarcasm. Yes, very good, Shego," said Drakken, relaxing. He turned to their son and placed a gentle hand on his shoulder. "Tobit… Yes, we stopped trying to take over the world because of you. And yes, at times we do miss that… lifestyle, but—"

"But you are so worth it, kid," said Shego.


End file.
